A leader who communicates only with groups cannot build connection with them. He must communicate with individuals and build a connection with them. The stronger the connection, the more likely people are to follow the leader. Some leaders struggle with this because they believe connecting is the responsibility of the people. But successful leaders always take the initiative. They take the first step and then work to deepen the relationship further.
When a leader has built a connection with his people, this is reflected in the way the organization functions. The staff are absolutely loyal and have very high morale. They strive to reach the vision and make progress toward it every single day.
Rehoboam did not understand the Law of Connection.
To build a connection, a leader must first give something. The power-hungry Rehoboam wanted above all to flex his political muscle. There was no talk of building a connection with the people. He had not understood the Law of Connection. If a leader wants to build a connection with his people, he should first examine his motives:
1. Think beyond yourself
Dr. Albert Schweitzer said: "As the wave cannot exist for itself, but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean, so must I never live my life for itself, but always in the experience which is going on around me... Whatever more than others you have received in health, in talents, in ability, in success, in a pleasant childhood, in harmonious family circumstances, you must not accept as a matter of course. You must pay a price for it. You must render in return an unusually great sacrifice of your life for other life."
Selfishness and insecurity are usually at the root of those who cannot grow beyond themselves. Rehoboam evidently never thought beyond himself. His bullying brought him not more respect, but contempt. To connect with people, one must remain open to others and remember that leadership is a privilege.
2. Grow beyond yourself
Mahatma Gandhi said: The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems.
Had Rehoboam read about the experiences of his ancestors and learned from the elders, he would have realized how little he understood about leadership. But his conceited and unteachable spirit refused to see it. In doing so he missed a great opportunity to grow as a leader. The result speaks for itself. If a leader wants to grow beyond himself, he should remain humble and teachable.
3. Give beyond yourself
People with low self-worth often focus mainly on themselves. A study by the University of Michigan found that people who regularly volunteer increase their joy in life and their life expectancy.
Rehoboam had no interest in what he could give. His goal was to get the maximum. Effective leaders keep asking themselves what they can do for others. They are more like a river that continually brings water, not like a reservoir that holds the water back and stores it in one place.
4. Go beyond yourself
A saying goes: When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. May you live your life so that when you die, the world weeps and you rejoice.
Every good leader has the ability to build connections with people. If a leader wants to become better, this is the skill to develop. The results will show very quickly, and people will follow.
How, then, can a leader build a connection with people?
Building a connection with people is not that complicated. But it takes time and the leader's initiative. Rehoboam did not take this into account in his leadership.
- When the leader touches people's hearts emotionally, people can be motivated.
King Solomon's elders said to Rehoboam: If thou wilt be a servant unto this people this day, and wilt serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be thy servants for ever. (1 Kings 12:7)
But Rehoboam did not listen to them and showed no understanding for the people's problems. Quite the opposite. He responded with harshness and severity. As a result, the people turned away from him and the land was split.
When the leader hears the needs of the people, the people hear the vision of the leader. When the leader takes concrete steps to meet the needs of the people, the people take concrete steps to fulfill the vision of the leader. Experienced leaders take this aspect very seriously.
- When the leader gives first, the people will give back.
Rehoboam squandered several opportunities to give something to his people. It may seem paradoxical, but a leader receives more when he gives more. When you make your time, your talent, and your resources available, you receive far more in return. The image of sowing and harvest best describes this aspect.
- When the leader builds a connection with individuals, he will also reach entire groups.
Rehoboam was so arrogant and aloof that he did not go among the people he was trying to lead. He remained unapproachable behind the walls of the palace. Yet leadership very often requires speaking to individuals and to groups. More than that, it understands that one-on-one encounters create the strongest connections.
- When the leader goes to the people, they will also come to him.
With Rehoboam it was exactly the reverse. The people came to him, and he was so blinded that he could not recognize the coming conflict and the revolution it would bring. He was more a reactive than a proactive leader. When it became clear that he had angered the people, he pointed his finger at them and blamed them. As a result, he lost his kingdom.
Regardless of whether a leader has just taken on a new leadership position or has stepped into an established system, he must connect with his people if he wants to be successful. Great leaders are not distinguished by what they achieved alone, but by what they were able to achieve through others. Without a good connection, this is not possible.
1 Kings 12:1-24
Israel Breaks Away from the House of David
1 And Rehoboam went to Shechem: for all Israel were come to Shechem to make him king.
2 And it came to pass, when Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who was yet in Egypt, heard of it (for he was fled from the presence of king Solomon, and Jeroboam dwelt in Egypt),
3 That they sent and called him. And Jeroboam and all the congregation of Israel came, and spake unto Rehoboam, saying,
4 Thy father made our yoke grievous: now therefore make thou the grievous service of thy father, and his heavy yoke which he put upon us, lighter, and we will serve thee.
5 And he said unto them, Depart yet for three days, then come again to me. And the people departed.
6 And king Rehoboam consulted with the old men, that stood before Solomon his father while he yet lived, and said, How do ye advise that I may answer this people?
7 And they spake unto him, saying, If thou wilt be a servant unto this people this day, and wilt serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be thy servants for ever.
8 But he forsook the counsel of the old men, which they had given him, and consulted with the young men that were grown up with him, and which stood before him:
9 And he said unto them, What counsel give ye that we may answer this people, who have spoken to me, saying, Make the yoke which thy father did put upon us lighter?
10 And the young men that were grown up with him spake unto him, saying, Thus shalt thou speak unto this people that spake unto thee, saying, Thy father made our yoke heavy, but make thou it lighter unto us; thus shalt thou say unto them, My little finger shall be thicker than my father's loins.
11 And now whereas my father did lade you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke: my father hath chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.
12 So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king had appointed, saying, Come to me again the third day.
13 And the king answered the people roughly, and forsook the old men's counsel that they gave him;
14 And spake to them after the counsel of the young men, saying, My father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke: my father also chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.
15 Wherefore the king hearkened not unto the people; for the cause was from the LORD, that he might perform his saying, which the LORD spake by Ahijah the Shilonite unto Jeroboam the son of Nebat.
16 So when all Israel saw that the king hearkened not unto them, the people answered the king, saying, What portion have we in David? neither have we inheritance in the son of Jesse: to your tents, O Israel: now see to thine own house, David. So Israel departed unto their tents.
17 But as for the children of Israel which dwelt in the cities of Judah, Rehoboam reigned over them.
18 Then king Rehoboam sent Adoram, who was over the tribute; and all Israel stoned him with stones, that he died. Therefore king Rehoboam made speed to get him up to his chariot, to flee to Jerusalem.
19 So Israel rebelled against the house of David unto this day.
Jeroboam Becomes King Over the Ten Tribes
20 And it came to pass, when all Israel heard that Jeroboam was come again, that they sent and called him unto the congregation, and made him king over all Israel: there was none that followed the house of David, but the tribe of Judah only.
21 And when Rehoboam was come to Jerusalem, he assembled all the house of Judah, with the tribe of Benjamin, an hundred and fourscore thousand chosen men, which were warriors, to fight against the house of Israel, to bring the kingdom again to Rehoboam the son of Solomon.
22 But the word of God came unto Shemaiah the man of God, saying,
23 Speak unto Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, king of Judah, and unto all the house of Judah and Benjamin, and to the remnant of the people, saying,
24 Thus saith the LORD, Ye shall not go up, nor fight against your brethren the children of Israel: return every man to his house; for this thing is from me. They hearkened therefore to the word of the LORD, and returned to depart, according to the word of the LORD.